Getting Started with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence became a very popular topic over the last few years even though the concept itself is relatively new. Emotional intelligence has been the subject of best-selling books and popular talk-shows. The concept of emotional intelligence stirred a lot of interest and criticism since it has first appeared so I have compiled in this post the most basic and simple information that can help you navigate this huge and interesting topic.

This post introduces a few basic things about emotional intelligence and answers some of the frequently asked questions on the topic of emotional intelligence. When it comes to any kind of intelligence it is prudent to remember that personal development and psychology posts are here to help us heal and grow and not to create differences or layers between people.

In this post :

• What is Emotional Intelligence?
• Why is Emotional Intelligence So Important?
• How to measure or test Emotional Intelligence?
• How to Improve Emotional Intelligence?

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ or EI ) is a learned ability to deal with our emotions and to relate to the emotions of others. Emotional intelligence as we see it today is a skillset that we all can learn. Some people learn great skills early on in their family settings, some others are developing their emotional abilities through socializing with peers and some others improve on their skills later undergoing trainings in their work settings. Our emotional intelligence is not inherent, given or fixed. We can learn to become more intelligent emotionally. Emotional intelligence can be thought and trained trough practice.

The Concept of Emotional Intelligence (Definitions)

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by an array of attributes concerning the way in which people accurately perceive, understand, express and manage their own emotions as well as the emotions of others. In other words emotional intelligence refers to the ability to realize what you/others are feeling and the ability to manage positively what you/others are feeling under all kinds of situations.

Emotional intelligence is about developing a capability in accurate self-awareness and using this knowledge efficiently in practical situations, for example in stress-management or when we engage in social situations, interpersonal relationships. The key concepts closely related to emotional intelligence are AWARNESS and CONTROL. Usually a lack of emotional awareness results in a lack of emotional control.

The concept of emotional intelligence has lead to the development of various models and definitions. Currently there is no consensus, there is no agreement on a one and only acceptable definition. The definitions and models however highly overlap and can be classified in two broad categories: the ‘ability’ approach and the ‘trait’ approach.

Some researchers believe emotional intelligence is a trait a person must be born with, while others suggest that emotional intelligence is more like a skill that can be trained and developed. Konstantin Vasily Petrides developed the trait model, which focuses on how people view their own emotional abilities, while Salovey and Mayer are the biggest names in the group of those who developed the ability model, which emphasizes a person’s capacity to understand and use emotional information.  Psychologist and author Daniel Goleman suggests a mixed model of emotional intelligence, which uses principles from both the ability and trait models.

The 4 Key Components of Emotional Intelligence

1. Emotional awareness (self-awareness) – recognizing and being able to name your own emotions. This simply means that you have the ability to understand your own emotions.
2. Emotional management (self-management) – being able to accept and manage your own emotions. When you are able to deal with your emotions and positively manage how you react to a situation, you can ensure your personal effectiveness in reaching your goals in life.
3. Emotional empathy (social awareness) – recognizing, reading the emotions of others. It refers to your ability to genuinely take an interest in what the other person is experiencing. It also includes the skills in leadership and the ability to understand group dynamics and how team members interact.
4. Emotional reaction management (relationship management) – being able to coordinate and balance your emotional flow, staying true to your emotions in relationship with others. It also refers to conflict management and resolution.

Emotional Intelligence – A Short Background

The discussion about emotional intelligence is quite fresh and new in the study of psychology. Emotional intelligence, the concept, showed up in professional literature much earlier but came into focus only after the early 80’s, when Howard Gardner presented his theory about multiple intelligences.

Howard Gardner is an American developmental psychologist, writer, researcher, professor best known for his innovative idea that there are multiple ways for a person to be intelligent. Conventionally when we speak about intelligence we only refer to mental aspects. Intelligence has for long been considered to be purely mental and it was measured with IQ testing. Conventional intelligence, however failed to efficiently predict a persons career success and well-being in life, so it was suggested that there must be some other factors to influence how well one is doing in the important aspects of their life.

Among the various intelligences, like musical and existential, that Gardner and his colleagues have differentiated they have also mentioned intra-personal and interpersonal intelligence. Intrapersonal intelligence refers to the emotions inside of us and are described by terms like self-awareness, emotional awareness. Interpersonal intelligence is more about the emotions of others and how we read these emotions, what we understand, what we think about those emotions and how able we are to respond instead of knee-jerk reacting to the emotions of others. These two aspects of intelligence were later combined and united under the umbrella term emotional intelligence. That is how the concept of Emotional Intelligence was born.

The concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) was introduced to the public by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in a landmark article in 1990, but became truly popular after Dr. Daniel Goleman released his book ‘Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ’, in 1995. In his book, Goleman presents five types of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. He claimed that emotional intelligence could be one of the most efficient predictor of success in the workplace. Since than several different models of EI have emerged and the topic has certainly seen its own share of conflict and controversy.

Why is Emotional Intelligence So Important?

“Many people with IQs of 160 work for people with IQs of 100, if the former have poor intrapersonal intelligence and the latter have a high one.”
― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence

Emotions are important in life because they are determining the decisions we make. For quite a long period of time, it has been believed that the success of a person in social life and at work depends on the level of intelligence of that person. Intelligence in this sense meant only the mental capabilities known as intelligence quotient (IQ). IQ was considered so important to determine a persons success that tests have been developed and introduced to the education system and the hiring procedure to measure intelligence, but as we know it today the IQ failed to correctly predict success in life or at the workplace.

There is more to our decision making process than simple logic, because our logic works differently under different emotional circumstances. Even those gifted with great logical thinking are mixed up when they are overwhelmed by their emotions of love or loss and we know that no-one can think clearly under a panic attack. People often lose focus because of diminished self-worth and disbelief in personal capabilities. Learning about emotional intelligence can be a tool for the discovery of what exactly is holding one back from fulfilling his or her goals.

Emotions play with our mental capabilities. That doesn’t mean that that mental skill or capability is not measured correctly. The IQ measurement is OK, but it is not enough. It measures what a person is capable of, but that person is capable of that only in certain emotional states. That person can perform on that level only in certain emotional segments. So if that person is relatively stable and emotions flow within those boarders than the IQ will correctly predict the performance. But if a person is not that stable emotionally and there is a great fluctuation between different emotional zones than the IQ will not be a good predictor of performance. Emotional intelligence in this sense is also the measurement of stability.

For example a very intelligent person being depressed, burnt out will often not perform well, because the emotions will not let him/her think on their IQ level. Just as professional athletes will not be able to perform to the heights of their skills when they are not able to manage a strong emotional influence. Athletes often experience differences in their performance and they know that certain days are different from others. It is part of the professional training to correct these daily differences in emotional fluctuation and develop a relatively balanced performance day a after day no matter what.

Emotional intelligence is regarded more important than cognitive intelligence by some people when it comes to coping with life positively and efficiently. Developing ones emotional intelligence can be important for experiencing a happier life, more gratitude, joy and contentment. Emotional intelligence can help to embrace new challenges and opportunities, to become aware of ones potential and become capable of positively managing ones social life and job performance.

How to measure or test emotional intelligence

Objectively defining and measuring emotional intelligence is not easy. Some experts question if that is even scientifically possible. The question if emotional intelligence is scientifically researchable or not is still widely discussed topics in current psychology. Not only are emotions highly subjective but there are different types of emotional intelligence. The different types of EI are measured in different ways. Some EQ tests create a numeric measurement some don’t, some are self-assessed questionnaires and some are very similar to personality tests. As emotional intelligence is a complex concept that is not yet clearly defined measuring it still raises considerable challenges for the expert community.

The main types of EI tests that have emerged so far fall into two main categories: self-assessment tests and ability tests.

The self assessment tests are the most common way to test emotional intelligence because they are simple, cheap (often free), easy to administer and possible to score numerically. On such tests you respond to questions or statement such as “I am a good listener”. You are assessing your own behavior on a scale from disagree, somewhat disagree to agree, or strongly agree.

Ability testing on the other hand is way more complicated and way more expensive in most cases. Ability tests, in general, require people to perform some tasks and demonstrate their abilities. This often involves having more people involved, because assessing the skill is rated by a third party.

SOME POPULAR TESTS FOR MEASURING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

• Trait Emotional Intelligence Questionnaire (TEIQue) 
• Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) 
• Emotional and Social Competence Inventory (ESCI)

There are also plenty of non scientific, informal online tests, that you can use for free, to investigate your emotional intelligence. Be mindful of the fact that these tests are not always correct and must be used with care and understanding.

Building emotional intelligence

The golden rules for building emotional intelligence are:

• Learn to attend to your emotions, dedicate time to discover your emotional life
• Be curious and patient with your emotions
• Learn to accept having a changing, dynamic emotional flow
• Learn to change your thinking so you can deal with your emotions consciously when you recognize unbeneficial patterns
• Talk about your emotions and learn how to show your real emotions to others in a positive way

Conclusions

Being emotionally intelligent has many benefits for our psychological health. We tend to live too much in our heads these days and it could benefit us greatly to learn to move our focus and attention more into our hearts and guts. It’s time we learned to let us relax more, wonder more and sit more in silence and let things settle each day. Being able to relieve stress is the key to staying in control, no matter what challenges you are currently facing in life.

Many of us have become disconnected from our emotions and learning about emotional intelligence, practicing the skills can help us tap into our heart space, establish better relationships and live more in integrity. The skills for developing and improving emotional intelligence can be learned so it is never to late for you to start your journey into the emotional realms. Moreover when you are able to understand your moods and motivations and act with emotional intelligence, you can also assist others through the times of conflict and difficulty. 

Key Points

• Emotional intelligence is not inherent, given or fixed. We can learn to become more intelligent emotionally
• Emotional intelligence is about developing a capability in accurate self-awareness and using this knowledge efficiently in practical situations
• Emotional intelligence is still a controversial topic and there is no clear, scientific measurement of ones skills and abilities in this field

Sources, references, further reading:  The Five Domains of Emotional Intelligence, Howard Gardner,